


Fear Only God, Hate Only Sins

by ikonnichiwa



Series: junbob aus ♡ [1]
Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Cheating, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Gay Sex, Homophobia, M/M, Religious Guilt, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Slow Burn, Smut, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-06-11
Packaged: 2019-03-18 07:18:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13676907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ikonnichiwa/pseuds/ikonnichiwa
Summary: Playing with fire, you might get burnt ; Junhoe wanted flames to consume him while Bobby drowned in holy water.In which Bobby can’t bring himself to accept Jinhwan, his best friend, and Junhoe’s relationship. « Men are meant to like women », he keeps saying, « God doesn’t approve ». But there might be something deeper behind all this hate. There must be.





	1. What's wrong ?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Italics = flashforward.

 

_Alongside the river, against a naked oak tree, he sat down. A watery mirror reflected the cool sunlight piercing through the light clouds of a winter afternoon. It was Saturday ; but the cold had kept passerbies locked in their homes. Yet he was there, thin breeze slithering through the locks of his hair and his heart filled with concerns he let the sparkling waterway dissipate while gazing at the stream, thoughts escaping his mind like birds freeing their way towards different horizons. Sometimes, a stray dog he knew lived around would make an appearance just to hide right away as if it knew he shouldn’t disturb him. He was alone and time seemed to have stopped, leaving him on his own in a universe of sepia colors and silence. He felt empty ; a pleasing feeling of emptiness, calm lulling his body like the wind sang the clouds’ favorite melody. Hands in his pockets, he stayed there, letting the tree embrace his silhouette with its warmth, his heart soon beating along the oak’s breath, the catharsis slowly coming at an end. Peacefully, he watched as the sky darkened with the upcoming twilight, while the city lights replaced the shining sun and stars shyly appeared above him. Quietly, he forgot everything, his own name fading away within the celestial canvas the night had painted. And when he went home, his head was clear, his emotions neutral, his breath calm ; at least, for now._

_It took him two hours of walking to reach the wooden frame of his door, hours he didn’t see going as he wandered the streets, passing closed shops and opening restaurants, neons blinding him ; the town had awoken whereas his soul had gone to sleep. Once in a while, he would have looked around and seen nothing but people living their lives, some laughing, some yelling, some with tears staining their cheeks and some others smiling happily ; he had thought nothing about it though, his mind resting from too much stimulation. At home, there was no one ; he sighed, relieved, thus betraying an ounce of worry he thought he had left at the river. Maybe had the atmosphere changed, or was it his thoughts awakening as well, but he could feel himself starting to think again : an impression he didn’t like. His shoulders suddenly felt heavier as his breathing became angrier and his fist tightened in a grip so hard his knuckles whitened and his nails scratched his palm. It made him rush to bed, leaving everything empty and untouched behind him and only when finally safe in a cage of cotton sheets could he fall asleep peacefully._

 

***

 

How do you end up dressing yourself while running down the street, toothpaste still around your mouth and hair completely messed up ? That’s exactly what he asked himself at this moment, though he wasn’t really surprised of his own situation. He had overslept again, as he would most mornings despite all the alarms his roommate would set up for him to wake up on time. At least, he didn’t have to run too much : college wasn’t that far away from where he lived on the campus and his skills made him eventually arrive only five minutes late. That only owed him a despising glance from his professor, who must have been a little pissed off to have him interrupting his course every single week. He only mouthed “sorry” as he sat down and switched on his laptop, ready to learn about the thrilling subject that was social dynamics.

As soon as the lecture ended, Bobby ran out of class to get to the nearest couch he could find, sinking into it like his life was over ; he really wasn’t much of a hard worker when it came to things he wasn’t truly interested in, and sociology definitely wasn’t his favorite subject in the world. He’d rather be majoring in musical arts, spending his days producing songs but his parents had to choose otherwise, and after failing half of his classes last semester, he knew there was no way for him to avoid social sciences (which obviously didn’t turn him into an assiduous student). As he laid down on the fleece fabric, he took his phone out and started playing whatever new game he had uploaded earlier this week while the minutes passed. Around him walked tons of students and he swore if he was paying attention to them he could count a billion of them ; but he stayed fully focused on his game, pouting whenever he would lose and grining when he would win, until one silhouette came to him, their shadow painting the white linoleum a faded black. He raised an eyebrow, not even looking up to whoever might be there, his fingers tapping on the screen.

 

“Would you, for once, stop being on your phone all the damn time”, said a complaining voice ; they dropped their bag on the floor and sat down on the sofa, Bobby still not letting go of his device, though he smiled when he heard them talk.

“Nice to see you, Donghyuk”, he answered as he sat up next to the guy. “Aren’t you supposed to be in class ?”

“What about you ? Aren’t you supposed to be in class ?”, he answered, cocky as always and Donghyuk couldn’t refrain a laugh.

“I kinda should. Seems like someone always manages to make me miss my lectures.” Donghyuk stood up right afterwards, sighing as he took his backpack with him and started walking ; “are you coming with me ? Yunhyeong is grabbing some lunch on his way.”

 

Of course, Bobby couldn’t possibly say no to a free meal and joined the other almost immediately, jumping off the couch as soon as Donghyuk had talked. Hands buried in the front pocket of his jeans, somehow hidden under one of his way too large hoodies, he walked, his gait quite certain, assured. The picture they both were painting was quite amusing contrast-wise ; one looked like an angel coming from heaven, sparkling eyes and rosy cheeks, while the other portrayed the bad boy attire from head to toe, messy yet super cool. As they both crossed the gigantic hall, the Department of Social Sciences being one of the biggest building of the entire campus, they stopped several times, greeting whoever would be waving at them before getting to the cafeteria. At their usual spot, namely a round table near a bay window, whose view ranged over a quiet patio where students could hang out and relax, Yunhyeong was waiting for them with what Bobby guessed were burgers, displayed in front of him. Immediately after he sat down, his stomach gurgled : “it’s lunch time”, he explained as he grabbed his fries and started eating. Donghyuk sat next to Yunhyeong and didn’t wait any longer to get his food either, his friend watching him stuffing himself with one of his mom looks only he had the secret, half offended, half concerned.

 

“Is there something on my face ?”, Donghyuk eventually asked, laughing as he chewed his food.

“You never show this much enthusiasm for the meals I prepare you”, the other blamed, his lips tightened in a pout.

“Cause yours aren’t as good as those burgers. Damn those are good”, said Bobby, sinking his teeth into the bun, sauce staining the corner of his lips.

 

The three friends stayed together for lunch, discussing anything they could discuss : Yunhyeong’s newly found interest in butterflies, Donghyuk’s struggle in getting into the university soccer team (selections were to be soon and he had been practicing ever since he had signed up to be a part of it) but most importantly, the upcoming party they had had in mind for weeks. Bobby had been organizing this event with the help of his best friend to celebrate his girlfriend’s birthday, though it was a few days ago ; they had decided on a later date so more people could show up, as January 3rd was in the middle of their holidays. Moreover, Bobby being the captain of the basketball team, the duo couldn’t imagine leading a small party if they wanted to avoid any social suicide ; it had to be amazing and on people’s mouth for a long time. Everything was almost ready : they had the place, Hanbin, one of Bobby’s high school friends, had created the craziest playlist just for the occasion and Yunhyeong had invited all the people who had to be there to make the night memorable. The only thing that was still missing, explained Bobby to his audience, was the present ; he was supposed to get it soon and he needed some help, hoping his roommate would eventually show up so they could go out together on the afternoon. As he bit on his burger one last time, Yunhyeong shouted, maybe a bit too happily as a few people turned over to glance at him oddly.

 

“Speaking of whom, look who’s there !”, he had said, his gaze following the path of a guy walking down the corridors. They would recognize this small figure among billions ; never had they seen another boy with light brown locks, slightly tanned skin and a face so smooth they’d call it cloudy. His rosy cheeks and heart-shaped mole infused a doll-like charm no one could resist and most people, men or women, would agree saying he was totally kissable, or at least, that was what the said boy claimed.

“Isn’t he coming ?”, asked Bobby, who seemed quite surprised, “Jinhwan ??”

“Seems like someone’s busy”, muttered Yunhyeong before collecting the few trashes they had left and putting them into the nearest bin.

“Jinhwan ??”

 

Bobby tried to call him, but the latter, instead of joining them, only waved at them before heading towards the opposite direction. It surprised him, to say the least, as the two boys usually hung out together ; in fact, it was quite rare for both of them to be without the other when they could. Maybe Jinhwan had something important to do that made him unable to stop at their table for a second and greet his roommate, who he hadn’t seen since the last night after all, or that was what Bobby imagined ; he smirked though, revealing a bright, crooked teeth, almost bunny-looking smile he had been self-conscious of for a long time but now loved (he had learnt girls were very fond of it).

 

“I guess I’m going to do some shopping on my own, then.”

 

***

 

It wasn’t much of a full day for Donghyuk and Bobby, who followed the same lectures, or Donghyuk tried, at least, whereas Bobby would always end up watching videos on his laptop or sleep, slumped on his folding seat ; he really couldn’t care less about social sciences. After a late afternoon course whose subject they had forgotten about, both friends left the auditorium right away. They spent some times in the library, Donghyuk wanting to finish his essay properly so he could focus on soccer later that day. Bobby stayed with him even though he didn’t need to ; he liked providing the younger some company and support, not to mention the latter was the greatest audience he could ask for his not so funny (but he thought they were) jokes. However, today, Bobby needed more support himself ; the dark haired boy had looked quite gloomy since lunch time. Something seemed to preoccupy the man and if he didn’t want to bother anyone with his assumptions, yet he couldn’t refrain himself from grumbling about anything. Head resting on his forearms, he appeared glaced, spaced out and the way his leg was shaking betrayed some sort of concern.

After Donghyuk’s practice, he had stayed with him the entire session and even walked his friend home, Bobby went back to his own dorm. Only a few blocks separated his building from Donghyuk and Yunhyeong’s, thus a little detour wasn’t a waste of time besides, he wasn’t really keen on getting home early that night. He would rather party, get a little drunk as long as he’s young enough, yet he had promised his roommate a calm and diligent night of working. So he wasn’t surprised at all when he opened his flat door to a silent atmosphere, with only the scratching of a pen on a paper proving someone was already there. Bobby let his bag fall from his tired shoulder, took off his shoes before heading to his room, where he immediately changed his clothes for some sweatpants and a tank top ; it wasn’t what you could describe as a grand metamorphose fashion-wise, any of his friends could swear Bobby was born in sweatpants, but it was way more comfortable than his previous jeans. When he entered the living room, a focused blond boy, who must have been working ever since he got back to their dorm, was sitting on the floor crossed-leg as he read a book whose way too long and way too serious title made Bobby want to die.

 

“So, how was Donghyuk’s practice ?”, Jinhwan asked, his tiny fingers folding the pages one by one as he searched for a particular paragraph on Japanese constitutional law.

“Hm ?”, Bobby answered, already chewing on some chips he had bought on his way, “it went good actually.”

“The kid might get picked then, it’s good.”

“He could be, yeah, but there’re a lot of applicants, I mean. Any guy on the entire campus wants to be in the soccer team.” Bobby reached for his backpack before he walked to his friend and sat next to him, resigned to work at least a bit, as this was the only thing he would be doing tonight.

“Well, I don’t”, stated Jinhwan and Bobby could only think that it was obvious ; the guy had always had a specific aura nobody truly knew how to describe otherwise than “precious”. Though it was cute, it was also the best source of teasing Bobby could have ever found on somebody.

“Well, maybe you should”, he snapped, laughing a bit, “you would get more girls than with your ballet club, y’know.”

“It’s theater, you dumbass. I only played a ballet dancer once. And I don’t like sports.” Jinhwan sighed, then looked at his phone to only put it away, expecting something that apparently didn’t come yet.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. You still put on makeup and wore tights, “Jinnie”.”

 

Bobby burst out laughing, squeezing his best friend’s cheek with his fingers as he tried to make him pout ; Jinhwan smiled with him, not really minding what had been said. He was used to it and a few comments every now and then would not kill him. He would not deny it could get quite oppressing sometimes though, but he would always remain calm and pretend to be a part of the teasing himself despite the hidden harshness in some words.

Both guys were now studying, school supplies spread on the wood of their coffee table ; or at least they tried to, considering the amount of work they had ahead of them and all they hadn’t finished yet. Jinhwan seemed to deal with it better though ; when the boy was focused on something and wanted it done, then by no means could anyone try to distract him. On the other hand, Bobby was a mess, not able to write down an entire sentence without sighing deeply, playing with his pen or passing out on his books. It had been rather challenging for the elder to work properly with him at first, but he soon learnt to not pay attention to him whatsoever if he didn’t want to end up going down the streets, searching for the nearest bar.

 

“Stop eating and study”, he suddenly said when he realized the other had gone to the kitchen to get some snacks.

 

Jinhwan would mom Bobby quite often ; not that he was really mature himself, but the younger was on an all other level. Although he wasn’t necessarily childish, he had the incredible ability to get himself into the dumbest situations anyone could imagine ; the blond laughed at the memory of his friend being stuck half-naked on the rooftop of their building, after what he had called “one crazy night adventure”, then opened another book. He was almost done with his essay when he raised his head up from all the documents he had gathered only to catch Bobby sitting on a bar stool, a cigarette between his thick fingers.

 

“You should stop smoking, it’s gonna kill you”, said the bleached hair boy, again momming him ; but Bobby didn’t mind. He was reckless and carefree but he didn’t mind. Even though it would not make him change for a bit, it was nice to know he had a friend who was concerned about him. And Jinhwan knew that as well ; that Bobby wouldn’t change no matter what argument he could find to convince him. Yet, he felt less guilty if he let his words come out of his mouth whenever he felt it was right.

“You should stop worrying. You’re gonna get wrinkles”, Bobby answered, as he always would, frustrating the elder who immediately rubbed his temples with a worried look. He inhaled, letting the smoke deeper into his lungs and then asked, “So, are you ready for Saturday ?”

 

Jinhwan looked at him, a bit taken aback ; he hadn’t truly thought he could avoid the subject the entire evening, or maybe he had, but he wouldn’t deny he had hoped for his friend to wait a little bit longer before tackling the issue. The elder coughed a little, which gave a first sign of how awkward the conversation was getting, then laughed nervously.

 

“Saturday ? Which Saturday ?”

 

It was Bobby’s turn to be taken aback ; he crushed his cigarette butt in the ashtray, his look a bit concerned as he turned to his friend. Was Jinhwan serious ? They had talked about this party for weeks, even planning everything together. Jinhwan had been the very first person he had told about his idea ; for him to truly not remember was a very hard thing to swallow. The younger gave him a suspicious look but instead of asking him what was going on, though he was quite curious to dig into it more, he only answered, voice light and enthusiastic while he sat down next to him.

 

“This Saturday ! Jisoo’s birthday party !”, he exclaimed ; Jinhwan tried to respond right away but Bobby didn’t let him, “You’re coming, right ? You have to ! We’ve had that planned for days !”

 

Jinhwan wanted to crawl himself underneath the table and disappear ; nothing was harder for him than to lie to his best friend. He could already picture the disappointment on Bobby’s face, which he could not possibly stand either, though he didn’t really have another option. Yet again, as he opened his mouth to give his friend some explanation, Bobby, who had apparently stopped studying and was now chatting on Facebook, was quicker and interrupted him before he got the chance to say anything.

 

“You’re not coming, are you ?”

 

He wasn’t exactly pissed, though he wasn’t pleased either but weirdly enough did Jinhwan see something else than bother in Jiwon’s eyes ; something he couldn’t really put a name on, and that idea made his knees weak as he looked down to his feet.

 

“I just can’t… I would love to, but I have plans I can’t cancel.”, he eventually declared, his hands curled into fists as he played with the hem of his sweater. Bobby sighed as he stood up, heading to the kitchen counter where he silently grabbed a bottle of Coke and drank it halfway. He ran his fingers through his locks, combing his hair backwards and turned to his friend, whose attention had drawn to his phone. He sighed again.

“Listen, it’s not that big of a deal.” he only said, and Jinhwan smiled, though Bobby couldn’t tell if it was thanks to him or what was showing on his screen. “For you to miss such an event, you gotta have some real shit to deal with.” Jinhwan just hummed in agreement.

“Yes, I have…”, he whispered, so low no one could tell if he really spoke as he lost himself in his thoughts. Bobby had gone to his room before he could notice it, leaving him sitting on the floor alone, his back against the couch and his phone buzzing from time to time, forcing a fond smile on his lips ; maybe Bobby was right. Maybe it wasn’t that big of a deal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING : This is not going to be easy to read and will contain lots of heartbreaks and emotional rollercoasters. At some point, verbal (and maybe physical) abuse might be involved. Please stay aware of it. 
> 
> I got inspired by Bobby's back tattoo.
> 
> Please, do not idealize nor romanticize this story. (But please, love it and share it with your friends !)
> 
> asianfanfics : vxrygd  
> twitter : ik0nnichiwa


	2. They had guns for hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bobby's oblivious and Jinhwan's threading a web of lies.
> 
> The part in italics is a flashforward to what happens before the first chapter's flashforward.

_He felt sick. His head hurt and his limbs had gone numb. Around him, he distinguished nothing but shadows and aggressive lights as he tried to escape, as if trapped in a maze of bodies. Bodies. And an awful mix of cologne and sweat that drove him mad. Inside, he could hear his own voice, screaming, shrieking, begging to find a way to exit the room._

 

_“Hey boy, wanna dance ?”_

 

_He startled when a warm and calloused hand ran down his arm ; he felt his throat tightened, the atmosphere suddenly suffocating as the man’s voice kept echoing in his mind, urging him to puke. Burning skin and wide, dark pupils made his features turn pure evil as he could sense a wild, unusual feeling of anger running through his veins. His heart beat so quick his ribcage felt narrow, almost ready to explode ; before he could understand what was going on, his knuckles were tainted carmine, small drops staining the floor near a male frame. Almost immediately, people gathered around, bumping into him whilst his mind went blank ; he only heard screams and insults, hands on his body again but now, a lot more brutal, as he was pushed away._

_When he eventually reached the main door, the fresh air hit him and he breathed, his tensed shoulders slowly relaxing as his nerves calmed down. Around him, passerbies and cars, city lights and amused souls portrayed an usual friday night. It took him a few minutes to retrieve his senses, and a little longer for his anger to vanish after such a smash rush. His phone in his hands, he had to blink twice to read the screen properly and dialed the only number he could think about at the moment, begging for an answer ; no one picked up. Before his blood could boil up again, his shaking fingers repeated the exact same choreography, his dried lips mouthing a discreet “please” as he brought the device up to his ear again : he couldn’t refrain a sigh of relief when he heard the comforting sound of a familiar voice._

 

_“Can you pick me up ?”_

 

_He knew he sounded strange ; but at the other end of the line, they faked unawareness. He waited a few minutes before a car stopped by among the few that were still passing this late in the evening. Without a hesitation, he entered and fastened his belt, then let the driver take him wherever while he looked peacefully out of the window frame, small drops of rain striking the glass as if tears were falling down his cheeks and lights coloring his skin in oranges shadows. He seemed almost lost, no words escaping the barrier of his lips nor a sigh ; the interior of the car had fell completely silent, the engine’s throb a smooth lullaby under cover of night._

_When they reached a small building not that far away from campus was when he knew they had arrived ; the hissing lights and old tiling of the hallway oddly made him feel at home, just like the elevator threatening to break down each time someone used it. Though he still appeared a bit absent, his mouth drew an indiscernible smile when he faced a door, whose dirty green paint had started to chip decades ago ; the number “19” screwed on the wood was now a “16”, yet, he couldn’t remember how it happened._

 

_“Hanbin ?”, he asked before he walked in, the latter already inside, “Thank you” he then said, almost shyly._

 

_Shoes off, he followed his friend to the kitchen where the smell of hot coffee, cigarettes and chestnut groves tickling his nostrils took him back to his long forgotten teenage days. He hadn’t been in there for what seemed to be an eternity, though nothing had particularly changed since the last time. It was the same yellowish walls, the same sofa he had helped bringing in here from Hanbin’s parents’ place, the same beer-stained beige carpet. Hanbin’s flat had nothing special and perhaps it was what made it so weirdly special ; so strangely home-like._

 

_“Want anything to drink ?”_

 

_A simple nod of his and Hanbin turned around, leaving his friend with his thoughts once again. It was only after one sip of hot chocolate that he dared to talk again : the warmth of a childhood drink had always been the best way to assuage his not so well hidden anxiety, and Hanbin obviously remembered that._

 

_“Can I spend the night ?”_

 

_“That’s why I brought you here, Jiwon”, Hanbin answered, sitting next to him around the kitchen table, his nails hitting the plastic board in a rattling sound as he drummed his fingers, causing Jiwon to shudder, “Now, tell me what made you call me.”_

 

_Jiwon gulped. His shoulders tensed as the memories hit him ; he gave a shy look to his friend, silently asking for support, though he deeply denied it in his mind. He didn’t want to be this vulnerable but yet he was, and he knew it ; but knowing and admitting are two different things. With a fond smile, Hanbin let him take the time he needed ; it eventually took a second cup of hot cocoa for Jiwon to relax enough, his grip gradually loosening around the mug._

 

_“I was ready to go party a bit, going down a few bars and stuff, the usual, when I saw…” he suddenly stopped talking, as if the words were stucked in his throat, his tongue refusing to move._

 

_“What ? What did you see ?”_

 

_“Jinhwan… told me he’d be working late but I saw him. It wasn’t the first time I caught him in a lie so I kinda followed him and then I…”_

 

_Not only the boy was shocked, but Hanbin could also distinguish a certain anger in his voice, despite the candid, almost angelic look Jiwon bore ; a contrast Hanbin had not seen in years but quite well knew, and which gave him goosebumps, an odd feeling running through his body. It was Hanbin’s turn to gulp, and soon enough Jiwon confirmed what he already feared._

 

_“I saw him in that creepy bar, among all those dudes...”_

 

_Hanbin didn’t need to hear more to guess the end of the story. His face whitened as his look fell to Jiwon’s hands. They were badly injured, knuckles scratched and tarnished with dry blood. In a delicate gesture, he took Jiwon’s fist in his palm, his fingers ghosting over the wounds ; he said no word but his eyes were eloquent enough, worriedly glancing at the way bruises had slowly started to diffuse. He stared at him, his face torn between an obvious concern and will to help and confusion, or maybe was it a certain curiosity that he betrayed with the inquisitive twitch of an eyebrow._

 

_“I don’t really know… It was as if they had guns for hands.”, the other muttered, his eyes willingly avoiding to peep at Hanbin’s hands on his. He gently got away from their embrace ; the boy looked so baffled it would have been hard for him to utter one more sentence, and Hanbin didn’t say nor do anything but nod in a way that expressed all his compassion, letting the silence reign over the room._

 

_“It was… Disgusting.”_

 

_Jiwon’s voice was no longer soft. All innocence had left his eyes, leaving nothing but coldness. Hanbin’s understanding smile faded._

 

***

 

“You sure know how to throw a party, dude !”, Yunhyeong shouted, the music so loud the basses made the walls shake ; Bobby answered with a smile, quite pleased by the compliment, raising his cup in a thankful way before drinking it all.

 

“Anything for my princess, right ?”, he said, an arm wrapping around the waist of a cute brunette whose slim fingers went to cover a shy smile.

 

“Jisoo’s sure a lucky girl”, teased Mino, one of Bobby’s fellow members of the basketball team, whose eyes were clearly luring on a slim pair of milky legs and the red-haired woman they belonged to. “But that one’s about to get luckier” he chortled, before heading to where the said girl stood, drinking way more than he should as he crossed the room.

 

Jisoo laughed, tiptoeing to peck her boyfriend’s cheek. “I’m going to see the girls”, she told Bobby ; his pout might have not convinced her to stay, but earned him a better kiss.

 

“Come back to me soon, baby”, he whispered, smiling widely as he observed the girl’s elegant yet sensual gait, his young and drunken eyes wandering south to meet the sweet curve of her lower back and beneath. He caught Donghyuk glancing at him weirdly, refraining a laugh that eventually came out of between his teeth anyway.

 

“You’re so whipped”, the younger teased but Bobby wasn’t listening anymore, if he ever were ; he had left his favorite spot, that is the nearest to the bar as possible, to find himself dancing in the middle of the crowd, his hips rolling as he observed the people around him. He looked like a king among his courtiers, all eyes on him, his golden skin sparkling under the rainbow night lights. Though this party was meant to be for Jisoo’s, Bobby was the name on everybody’s mouths : girls and boys were all over him, praising him for how good of an entertainer he was, how great of a time they were spending. If so much sympathy and care could easily turn a simple guy into a hyper pretentious idiot, it sure was not Bobby’s case. Unlike anybody’s assumptions, the showman had quite a sense of humility ; never would he snob anyone nor would he act like a bully. The guy’s unalterable politeness was an addition to his numerous charms, which made it hard, if not impossible, to dislike him just a bit.

He was nice, indeed ; but no one is perfect, and the way Bobby’s hands used to brush ever so slightly over the tiny waists and rounded hips of a few girls clearly did not do him any justice. Playful and easy-going, he smiled to all of these naive ladies, most of them had had more than enough to drink to even notice anything, and didn’t go without seizing the opportunity whilst his friends observed him, absolutely not surprised by the playboy’s doings. They just hoped Bobby would stay discreet ; had Jisoo seen anything and they would call the party a definite disaster, not to mention rumors would run down the entire campus in the blink of an eye. Donghyuk and Yunhyeong would rather deal with anything else but another heartbreak drama.

There were so many people it was hard to sneak between all the dancing silhouettes, and hearing something else than the heavy bass of the many hip hop tracks Hanbin had gathered on a USB key was rather an achievement ; but no one was there to discuss, actually. People were supposed to dance, drink and have fun, though there was no particular order to follow here and some liked to resume the night by drinking and passing out like Mino did, sprawled on the couch, drool staining the pillow case ; he obviously failed at his attempt on seducing his muse with flame-orange mane. Time passed by quite quickly, like it would always do during events like this ; Donghyuk and Yunhyeong were now busy betting on who would win the ongoing run of beer pong (Hanbin had challenged another boy whose name they didn’t bother learning) while Bobby had left his concubines to dance with his girlfriend, his embrace tight around her slim body, his mouth trailing sweet kisses, yet a little sloppy thanks to the alcohol, down her neck.

 

“Look at him flirting with her when he spent the entire night checking other girls out”, mocked Yunhyeong as he finished his drink, turning over to the bar against which Donghyuk leant. The latter frowned and gave his friend a jog in the ribs, assuring him this wasn’t funny at all, though it was. “This was unnecessary”, the elder complained as he rubbed the side of his torso, a painful grin drawn on his face as he faked indignation.

 

“Your comments are just as unnecessary”, Donghyuk snorted, getting himself another mojito he drank right away, his hips rolling to the music mechanically ; the boy was a born dancer but to Jinhwan’s discontent, he had refused to join the glee club his friend was trying hard to found. He was about to left his drink and join the crowd when the music stopped. For a minute, silence filled the room before everyone went to discuss what could possibly be going on ; their questions found answers very soon as tonight’s host climbed on the makeshift stage he and Jinhwan had built earlier, an arm raised to the ceiling as to catch everyone’s eye.

 

“Attention everyone !”, demanded the dark-haired boy, holding his mic like he was some sort of rapper. “I have something important to say !”, he then added, voice raspier than usual thanks to the alcohol and Jisoo couldn’t help but find it surprisingly sexy.

 

“As you all must know, we’re celebrating the most beautiful girl in the world’s birthday !”, he announced, loud and proud, his lips growing in a huge and cheerful grin as he clapped his hands, Yunhyeong adjusting the lightning so it would land on Jisoo’s beyond happy face. Immediately, everybody started to cheer and clap along, singing an improvised “happy birthday” which made Jisoo’s full cheeks a nice pink before Bobby resumed his speech, looking at his girlfriend the entire time, eyes sparkling with fondness.

 

“Baby, you know how much I love you”, he confessed, not caring if Donghyuk laughed at him for being too cheesy when he totally knew he was. He didn’t pay attention to Yunhyeong rolling his eyes, as Jinhwan would have if he had been there, the elder totally not buying his declarations whenever he did one.

 

Suddenly, all lights went out and slow music started playing, the sweet melody of violins announcing a lovely serenade ; Bobby smiled shyly, scratching the back of his neck out of pure nervousness as he thanked “B.I” (Hanbin thought it was a cool idea for a one-night DJ to have a pseudonym). Jisoo, on the other hand, was blushing heavily, obviously taken aback and maybe a bit too expecting, as betrayed her nervous laugh when her boyfriend announced it was now time for her to be given her presents. Now sat on a gigantic pink throne, Bobby really did that, the latter would hand the princess of the night the gifts everybody had brought with them, slowly deconstructing the stack made of dozens of boxes. Whilst Jisoo paid special attention to thank every guest, Hanbin had a blast commenting each present, some which were very cute as a huge teddy bear, and some others that clearly showed the lack of taste and propriety of those who bought them, such as a pink box whose content Bobby was sure he would find a use.

 

“Save the best for last, they say”, whispered Bobby in his lover’s ear, kissing her temple as he gave her a black velvet case she couldn’t wait to open ; Jisoo literally screamt and jumped to hug her boyfriend, so overwhelmed with joy Bobby felt his own cheeks blush. “You let me ?”, he asked softly, lips tightened into the warmest smile of all while his fingers struggled to delicately take the jewel off the box. Just as subtly did he put her hair to the side and clipped a thin, elegant necklace around the pale skin of her neck, silver rhinestones sparkling with each of her moves. “It cost me an arm”, he mouthed to Hanbin, who seemed quite impressed by how much effort his friend had put into one present. Another kiss, this time on the lips to please the growing eagerness of the crowd, and the party could go on and last until dawn.

 

***

 

The entire group had gathered at Bobby’s apartment on Sunday to relax a little after such a huge party. If Mino was still dealing with his hangover, Yunhyeong, Donghyuk and even Hanbin, who would rarely be a part of their gigs, were all there, enjoying the few pizzas Jinhwan had bought to make up for his absence.

 

“You missed something”, kept saying Bobby ; he had never been truly mad about him breaking his promise to attend the party but still, he couldn’t help but feel like Jinhwan should have been there with them. Hanbin sighed at his high school friend’s insistence ; it had been going on for forty-five minutes now and was irremediably getting old.

 

“I think he gets it”, answered Donghyuk’s mediating self and Jinhwan silently thanked him for it, looking up to Bobby, who had climbed on the armrest of the couch.

 

“You can’t blame him for putting family first” stated Yunhyeong, a reassuring hand on Jinhwan’s tensing shoulder. He and Donghyuk smiled to the eldest boy of the group ; they understood. Or, to be quite fair, they knew. As for Hanbin, he didn’t get anything of what was going on and didn’t even try to. Bobby, just laughed.

 

“Of course not”, he muttered, “How’s Mrs Kim by the way ?”

 

Yunhyeong sipped his soda, trying not to look too enthusiastic ; the thing was, Bobby’s little questioning meant nothing special. The boy loved his best friend’s family and of course he would ask about them. He could tell Bobby was sincerely interested. Jinhwan, on the other hand, looked like he was about to melt down. The latter hated lying. Moreover, he was a complete failure at it, which he had always thought of as a quality but now was reconsidering everything.

 

“She’s fine, she… just needed me for some house cleaning. My sister wasn’t there so… She made you brownies, they’re in the kitchen.”

 

His voice was shaking terribly Donghyuk wondered how the boy had managed to get his way onto the theater club. What was reassuring, to say the least, is that if everyone got Jinhwan had his little secrets, Bobby gobbed it all.

 

***

 

The alarm showed five in the afternoon ; Friday it was, and his roommate would soon get home. In a hurry, Jinhwan gathered a few clothes and shoved them down a black backpack he had borrowed from Bobby, keeping an eye on the clock as he ran to the bathroom to collect his toothbrush and a towel. All smiles, he checked his hair in the mirror, making sure he looked as fine as he wanted ; his denim jacket making his shoulders look extra bulky, he seemed happy with the way it compensated his lack of height, giving him a manlier aura. It might have been because of his roommate’s influence, though he would never acknowledge that out loud, but he loved arboring sort of a bad boy look. It made him look sexy and cute at the same time and with his natural assets, he was absolutely sure he would score a ten that night. Back in the kitchen, he took a piece of paper and scribbled a few words before he left the apartment, so joyful he felt like flying.

It didn’t take him that long to reach another door, almost identical as his dorm’s. The building located almost off campus, it was still only a few bus stops away from his which made the drive quite easy for him ; he would come by often, yet prudently keeping his visits a day-time thing, when he had no courses and his friends were in class. Today was different though, and it showed as he knocked on the door, already all flustered, cheeks blushing even harder when a tall, handsome boy with thick eyebrows and dark bangs greeted him by pulling him in a tight embrace. “I missed you”, he whispered in the smaller’s ear, earning him a cute kiss on the cheek before they both disappeared inside.

 

***

 

When he came back to his dorm, sore from his basketball practice, Jinhwan was nowhere to be found ; that surprised him, as his friend usually spent his Friday nights with him. They would get ready in their sexiest attire, then jump in Bobby’s tuned-up car, drive to the busiest streets in town and have fun all night, most of their little trips down each bars ending in both of them getting either dead drunk or in trouble. But wasn’t it what youth was all about ? However, tonight was to be different thought Bobby as he sat down to read the torn piece of paper left in the center of their bar counter. “Have to finish an essay, staying at the library for an all-nighter”, he mouthed, running his hands through his raven locks. Disappointed to see his best friend again miss an opportunity to paint the town red with him, he sighed and crumbled the paper into a ball before throwing it anywhere ; it hit the wall and fell to the floor, where it would stay untouched until Jinhwan would decide it was time to do some spring cleaning.

Left alone, he considered calling Donghyuk and Yunhyeong over for a second before remembering both of them had to take their night shift at their part-time jobs ; calling Hanbin was out of the question and Jisoo had left campus earlier that day to visit her parents, cutting off any chance of getting laid that week end. Lying on the floor, limbs spread like a starfish, and his look lost in the white paint of the ceiling, he killed time as much as he could : only did he get up after counting backwards 5000 to zero, feeling so desperate he even contemplated the idea of suicide for an instant. Bobby was a night bird, and a hyperactive one to say the least : it was incredibly hard for him to stay still for more than a minute and if sometimes people enjoyed staying at home to chill a bit, to him, the only thought of watching TV a Friday night was preposterous. Moreover, to leave him on his own was a reckless decision from Jinhwan to make ; the younger was unpredictable and could throw a tantrum over nothing. If Bobby didn’t find anything to occupy himself with the entire night, that Jinhwan would get home to an intergalactic mess was quite certain.

Any activity was worth the try to make the clock turn quicker ; that’s how Bobby found himself working out for the second time of the day until his muscles screamed for rest and the only plant in his apartment died from the sweaty smell that now hung in the air. He ran to the bathroom almost immediately, hot water soon dripping down his toned but aching body. While he showered, he noticed Mino’s earrings he had once borrowed standing on the sink, which rang a bell ; the latter had offered him to come over to his flat, which he had declined before knowing Jinhwan would fail to fulfill his friendship duties. A towel wrapped around his hips, he texted his basketball mate, a few water spots dripping on his phone screen as he told him he would come by after all. No fancy clothes were needed for an evening he would surely spend drinking beers on his friend’s couch while arguing on the girls from the cheerleading team’s bodies ; “what athletes do all the time”, the duet would proudly claim, but no one had ever thought they were smart enough not to do that. Bobby thus opted for black sweatpants and an orange hoodie, the boy never frightened over neon colors despite the horrendous and questionable looks he could sometimes bear. He brushed his dark, still wet hair over a bandana he made sure was nicely tied, sprayed on some cologne and hide his christening necklace under his clothes, the long, cold chain tickling his warm skin, causing him to shiver. That way, no matter where life brought him, he had the cross against his heart reminding him of the path he had to follow, despite the fact his exuberance might not always go hand in hand with an ascetical life (what an euphemism).

At Mino’s, Bobby found himself at home ; in fact, he felt at home anywhere. He enjoyed his older friend’s company. Their bond was not the same as the relationship he had with Jinhwan, which was more intimate, almost brother-like, but they sure were very close and had a lot in common, that is their weird sense of fashion or their interest in the underground rap scene. They could talk about that for hours, even challenging each other in their own little battles, eventually joined by Hanbin if he was ever asked to come by and hang out with them, which was most of the time Mino’s initiative. That night though, no rap was involved but one of Bobby’s favorite racing movies and Mino’s proud bragging about how he met the girl he had seen at Jisoo’s party again and got her number ; their little flirt had not gone so far yet but the boy “internally felt that he’d score pretty soon”.

Around midnight, Bobby thought it was getting late enough for him to go if he didn’t want to spend the night on Mino’s shredded, smelly, dying couch. As soon as he had left, the cold hit him ; he had somehow forgotten they were in January and now regretted he didn’t even have a scarf to tuck underneath his sweatshirt. Hands buried in his pockets, he walked down the road, heading to the nearest bus stop. Mino lived not so far away from a quite busy road which assured him to get a lift at least every ten or twenty minutes before the public transports stopped running : he only had to wait. Leant on the glass pane of the bus shelter, he lit up a cigarette, more from pure addiction and reflex than anything else and let the warmth and bitterness of the smoke comfort him. It was Friday night, yet here he was ; heading back home. Such a thought made him feel sick. Kicking a few rocks in front of him, he let go of his cigarette butt, when he noticed a bus pulling off to the side. He was about to jump on it when an odd feeling struck him ; he couldn’t believe what he saw.

On the other side of the road stood a way too familiar silhouette for him not to recognize his own roommate, who was supposed to be stuck in the library for the entire night. If he had hoped Jinhwan had finished his work earlier, he quickly became disillusioned as he saw the boy wasn’t alone. The tall, lean frame of another boy stood next to him, the said man visibly laughing to whatever his, and Bobby’s twisting mind firmly insisted on “his”, best friend had said. To the normally confident student, it felt as if an arrow had aimed right at his heart and pierced through it ; his jaw dropped, his hands got weirdly clammy and he swore he could have puked at that very moment if the bus driver had not honked. The deafening sound got him by surprise and by the time he looked back to see where Jinhwan and the stranger, because he knew he had never seen that person before, had gone, they both had disappeared in the dark of the night. Perturbed, Bobby resigned himself to get into the vehicle, falling onto his seat, suddenly feeling so exhausted. “What the fuck is happening ?”, he repeated to himself.

 

***

 

Bobby kept thinking of the previous night, literally incapable of ignoring what he had seen. His mind went nuts trying to find answers that could explain the scenario he had been a spectator of earlier. He couldn’t prevent his words from running out of his mouth.

 

“Man, I literally saw him downtown with another dude. He’s been avoiding me to hang out with some random guy. Can you believe it ?”

 

Anyone could read the look on Bobby’s face ; it said astonishment, confusion and disbelief. The boy obviously felt betrayed, and he wasn’t in the mood to deny it. On the contrary, he shouted his feelings out loud and clear. Jinhwan had lied to him, which, if Bobby were to be asked, was inconceivable. Of all the years they had spent together, neither one of them had ever hide anything from the other or tell the other lies ; at least, that was what Bobby thought until today. He winced, and Donghyuk couldn’t bear him pace the living room anymore. He tried his best to reassure the strong and popular basketball player, who now seemed oddly vulnerable, so much it started to be awkward.

 

“Don’t you think you’re taking this a little bit too personally ?”, the younger asked nicely, rubbing a warm hand down Bobby’s back as he made the latter sat down and relax for more than a millisecond. Nice try, he thought to himself as Bobby snapped, now looking almost as angry as offended.

 

“Listen, I’m his best friend. His roommate. I’ll be his best man if he ever marries one day and I’m pretty sure I’m the one he’d ask to call if he ever got hit by a car.”

 

“If that’s how you feel, how do you explain him lying to you ?”

 

Donghyuk had a point there and it hurt Bobby even more to admit it. He sighed and, as he would always do when his blood started to boil out of frustration, lit up a cigarette, the bitter smell of tobacco making Donghyuk wince.

 

“I don’t explain it. It makes no fucking sense.”

 

Donghyuk shrugged. Of course it would not make sense to Bobby, who had the analytical capacity of an oil lamp. The boy was so oblivious he had not realised Jinhwan had changed most of their furnitures six months ago ; all of them had bet he would never notice any difference at all.

 

“Dude, come here”, he heard and Donghyuk came right away, entering the bathroom to Bobby, who awkwardly stood in the middle of the room, staring to an open drawer, “have you seen my condoms ?” He moved a bit to the side, letting his friend check out the almost empty drawer, “did you take them ?”

 

“What the fuck would I do with your condoms ? Gross.” Donghyuk rolled his eyes before leaving the room, heading straight to the kitchen, pouring a bit of orange juice in a glass.

 

“Then where are they ?” Donghyuk sighed ; was Bobby purposefully being blind or was he really that stupid ? He drank his glass down to the last sip, only glancing up to meet a puzzled Bobby, looking so lost it was nearly funny.

 

“Bobby, sit down.” he said and Bobby understood at the sudden serious tone in his voice that it wasn’t much of a suggestion. He complied, more than reluctantly though, and wrapped his arms around his knees as he waited for Donghyuk to go on. The said boy gave him a jaded look but went on, “Only you and Jinhwan live there.”

 

Bobby almost laughed at him ; “Yeah, thanks for the info”, he shrugged, nonchalant. “What’s your point ?” The younger didn’t refrain his laugh this time, his fingers slithering between his blond-dyed hair.

 

“My point is, mister I’m-the-king-of-idiots-dot-com”, Bobby flinched at the nickname ; “what was that from” he wondered, too taken aback by Jinhwan’s surprising dishonesty to face Donghyuk’s mockeries, “if only you and Jinhwan live there and you didn’t touch your condoms, then…”

 

Donghyuk hoped Bobby had understood now, but his mate seemed just as perplexed as before. “Then Jinhwan took your condoms, you fool.”, he felt obliged to say.

 

Bobby looked incredulous, as if what he had just been told didn’t make any sense. He stood up immediately, a move Donghyuk construed as a sign of outrage ; he looked like a mother who could not believe her child was sexually active. However, the proof laid right there, undeniably attesting the younger’s words. The latter pressed his lips together, still sitting down despite feeling so much more awkward than before as he witnessed Bobby dealing with his rising anger ; the boy appeared quite possessive, and his smile, usually so bright and elated, had vanished, replaced by an agitated aura. His lips twitched, revealing a nervous tic and he kept rubbing his calloused hands.

 

“Jinhwan has no girlfriend”, he then stated unexpectedly assuredly.

 

Donghyuk blinked, progressively more and more ill-at-ease. He had not guessed anything ; he didn’t really have to. As for Bobby, he was just as unaware as usual. And it was great that way.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is obviously inspired by Twenty one Pilots' "Guns for hands". Great song btw. Most, if not all titles will be inspired by a song. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It's a bit longer than the first, but you can't control your inspiration, right ? I tried my hardest not to divulge too much infos about the characters... Also, please remember English is not my first language, thus there might be some mistakes (please tell me if so). Anyway, I'll see you on the next one !!! 
> 
> Please, leave comments, I'd love to have your feedbacks ! 
> 
> twitter : @ik0nnichiwa  
> asian fanfics : vxrygd (cross-posted)


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